I have to say that I truly wish that you were not on this road with me, but here we are. So, for my part, I will support you and comfort you in any way that I can because I know you will surely need it, as I do.

The initial days of this terrible loss are full of disbelief and shock. It feels like time has frozen and everything surrounding us is hazy and swirling.  We simply don’t have the words to explain our physical and mental agony. There are some days where we can barely get up or even put on a pair of socks. Days go by and we move through them like a wisp of smoke. God sees our pain and holds us close, in his hand. He understands the entire breadth of our emotions; anger, disbelief, despair, sorrow, anguish.

This is a journey from which there is no return. This is the After and the honest truth is that our lives will never go back to the way they were before. We will not “get over it,” “overcome it,” or “move on.” What we will do is learn to carry the pieces of our shattered hearts, with God’s help, and to allow ourselves to grow around those pieces. We will honour our children and ensure that they are never forgotten. We will continue to love them and let that love be a positive force in the world around us.

When my son died, I knew that I had to put myself in God’s hands completely. I made the decision to trust in the Lord to comfort me and help me find my way. In my mind, it was a decision between carrying my broken spirit in the light with God’s loving hands to hold me or to turn away from him and do so in the dark of bitterness and anger. I made the choice for the light and I have not ever regretted it. As you begin this journey, I pray that you will be able to lean on God to walk with you on the path.

My dear, sweet, grieving parent. If you ever need to share with another traveller on this journey, I can be reached at kenoralake4@gmail.com. I know from my own experience the value of talking and spending time with other parents who understand my grief completely.