If

I often think what if

I had an hour with you

What would I say?

What would you say?

Is there anything that

Has been left unsaid?

Or would we just sit

And be together

Side by side

No words required

Absorbing each other’s presence

I think we would.

Sorrow

What does it mean?

Is it sadness?

I suppose it is partly.

But sorrow goes deeper

Deeper into your bones

Sorrow takes up residence

Soaking in to your being

But sorrow has a partner

That is love

For the measure of sorrow

Is equal to the measure of love

that created it.

Sorrow cannot be

without love

Remember as you carry sorrow

that you are also carrying love

And while sorrow

has seeped into your body

It is surrounded and protected

By love

Unexpected Visitor

Grief appeared at my door today.

Unexpectedly, without warning.

I am not prepared for her arrival,

her suitcase tucked behind her.

Clearly she plans to stay.

For how long?

I slam the door!

She climbs through the window

hauling her suitcase over the sill.

This uninvited guest

is making herself at home,

unpacking each of her belongings.

She has no intentions of leaving.

I understand that I must welcome her.

I must rearrange my shelves

and find a place for her bits and pieces

that she is trusting me to keep safe

in my home,

in my heart.

The Silence of a Broken Heart

You may think that the sound of a broken heart

would be one to wake you from your sleep.

That it’s crack would reverberate off the walls,

leaving you startled and breathless.

But no.

This is not the way hearts break.

Hearts break so silently.

Not like the crash of a shattered bowl,

causing heads to turn towards the sound.

Rather the whisper of the pieces

as they fracture apart,

floating and fluttering to the floor

to lay at our feet.

We pick them up one by one,

these fragile pieces.

We gather them to us and hold them in our hands.

We carry them in our pockets

like treasure to be protected.

Words

 The words to describe the ache in my soul

are lost in the crevices of my mind,

their very existence questionable.

Oh how I long for you to fully understand,

knowing full well the impossibility.

I am reminded to look within.

The Spirit of God that lives in me,

the keeper of my soul.

There lies full comprehension of my pain.

This Spirit within and without,

omniscient,

so the words that I cannot find

are unnecessary.

Without You

This Christmas we will get our tree without you.

We will gather for family dinner without you.

Where you would have been is a void

that can’t be filled.

Our family games will be played without you.

The things you would have said will go unsaid.

Your laugh will not be heard.

There will be no conversations with you

sitting in the living room

after dinner.

This Christmas we will not wrap a gift for you.

Instead, we will light an ice candle in your honour.

The lack of your presence will be felt like a jagged stone

sitting in my heart.

A stone that God will delicately wrap to protect me

from the sharp edges.