The Thing About Time

I honestly think that one of the hardest parts of grief for me is the concept of time. I simply find it overwhelming when I contemplate how long it will be before I see Mikael again. It feels like time just swirls all around me like this intangible cloud that can never be totally grasped on to.

A few weeks ago we had a guest speaker at church. He was a missionary and he was sharing about their work. One of the things he mentioned was that while they were away on their mission, their adult children were back here and he said how difficult it was not getting to see them in person for one or two years. The statement made me catch my breath and hold it for a few seconds. I completely understood and absolutely empathized. I also wished that I could have such a finite measure of time where I could say, “I will see Mikael in two years.”

Missing Mikael is such a heavy brick being carried around in my stomach. Last Sunday at church, for whatever reason, it hit me with such a force and I found myself in tears. Luckily my husband, Tim, was with me and sat with his arm around me while I cried. He is such a gem that man!

On the way home, I started thinking about how I try so hard never to cry anywhere except at home or in the car. And yet, I have found myself crying regularly at church, especially during the music. So many songs pull at my emotions and I feel the tears coming. What occurred to me on Sunday was that if our church is a place where I cry regularly, then it must feel like a safe place to me. And that is a really good thing.

As an aside, I have activated the comment section of this blog. I thought I had it set up but it appeared that I missed a step. I’ve fixed my error and you can now comment on any blog entry directly