Square Peg, Round Hole

There are so many times in social situations of any kind that I feel like I don’t totally belong. It’s a feeling hard to describe,  this sense of not quite belonging anywhere. In terms of my belonging to God and my identity as his child, there is no confusion there. I know my identity in Christ and I am so thankful for that. This is more about where I fit in with others. Like every other parent that has lost their child, I carry around an extra bag that holds all the pieces of my broken heart. It’s always with me but I don’t share my thoughts on this everywhere I go. In the day-to-day events of life, as I’m out and about at work or in the community, I sometimes feel like a stranger. Let’s face it, most people don’t want to constantly hear about my broken heart. I guess the problem is that it is always broken. Even when I’m having a good time and enjoying myself, I carry this bag of pieces with me. I just don’t talk about it. And that is where it sometimes feels like I’m a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. Or that I hold a key that doesn’t actually fit anywhere. It makes me feel a bit lost sometimes, this sense of not totally belonging or being able to relate to everyone else. I felt it today as I was doing errands in town.

I am sharing this today because I am pretty sure that if I feel this way sometimes, then other parents who have lost their child probably do too. And I want you all to know that they feel that way and just be loving and patient with them. We are carrying something that separates us from others in a way that we cannot change, as much as we wish we could. Thanks for listening!