Unraveling

I've been in a bit of an emotional fog for the past several days. Just kind of coasting through keeping myself apart from my feelings. Sometimes the intensity of this loss is like a physical entity that I have to shove in the closet and brick over the door. The result is an internal numbness. Going through the motions. Autopilot. I suppose it's not ideal, but sometimes it just seems necessary.

Yesterday I passed the time doing mundane tasks that didn't require much thought. I chose to tackle the exciting job of cleaning and re-organizing the China cabinet drawers. As I was pulling things out of one of the drawers I found this picture of Mikael tucked under some trivets. It must have been sitting there for years; who knows how it ended up there. I held his picture to my heart and I could feel the tugging of the strings unraveling my carefully constructed numbness. Bricks being pulled away from the closet door. The full force of my loss winding its way out and taking my breath away. And I simply stood there, letting my grief wash over me, feeling Mikael's presence and knowing that I'm ready to emerge from the fog.